Honesty, Love, Respect, Trust
I realized when a friend recently said that Honest Trust & Love are what they request of their relationships, that this resonated true within myself too. I also believe Respect is a big one.
To know who is close enough to let in to be completely honest with, to trust wholeheartedly and to love unconditionally.
I used to want to be able to be this way with everyone in the world, not realizing that privacy and public life is different.
There are choices I have made, things that I have shared with people, out of the yearning to connect, unable or afraid to be silent and on my own to allow time and silence for me to hear my truth within...and by sharing with people who were not in my closest circle, I have learnt some very daunting realities.
My job is to be responsible for myself at all times, not anyone else; learning to focus solely on myself has been counterintuitive to my entire life to date because I was used to focus outside of myself to ensure or try to ensure everyone else was ok and happy. I am grateful for the people and lessons of life that have shone lights on this reality to guide me towards my inner being.
I wish to master being loving in any and each moment in this lifetime, no matter the circumstance that life is presenting. I have experienced extreme hurt that fueled anger that horrified myself, it was like I was possessed by a darkness that was devouring my entire being. It took everything I had to fight giving in to those impulses of wanting to harm the person that pushed this button within me... it took time to be able to see exactly how much of a gift it all was, to release those sensations within myself and choose love. It also took great courage to look at how I was the cause of it all, and own it all and not blame them.
I remember the moment this person walked up to me, it took every ounce of control I could muster to not slap them across the face, spit in their face and scream for them to leave and never show their face again. Some may think that may be necessary for someone to learn 'the lesson' but I don't agree. I don't believe violence is ever permissible, in fact it is cowardly.
It is very easy to be angry and not be responsible. I know, those sensations are darker than dark.
Many things and situations I will never understand, for everyone has their own truth. I am battling my own mind and the things it makes up, fighting to let go of the reactions to want to protect myself at all costs and be safe...but it's all made up in my mind.
As I stated in a past post...it begins with a thought. What thought do I chose to entertain and live by?
Only love is real to me, at least it is all I chose to focus my life from. Only love and asking myself what love truly is, began to set me free. Society and media taught me lies that I believed deep in my being to be what love was and is between friends, family and lovers. It has not been an easy journey, as the darkness inside me, and each human, is fighting for it's life and place in my world.
Beginning with being honest with myself has been key to coming from love. Trusting myself and my choices as well, not allowing my brain to double back and analyze and terrorize moments that were perfect in all their imperfections and beauties in their moments. Loving myself is my greatest power.
I recently made a choice to love myself and ensure I was in a space that was peaceful, clear of mixed energies and calm. My entire life changed since I did so. I can hear myself, feel myself and am feeling grounded and becoming balanced again...and still struggling to keep my focus on myself and rebuild that trust and foundation within myself.
Being around negative energies and spirits is very dangerous. I believe when around such environments, now, from my own experience, that it causes extreme disharmony within each being that is subjected to that space or energy. I may not be able to be of assistance, and I choose to send love, light and healing energy as my part, because I care on a deep level for the peace of each being on this planet...sometimes it feels like a curse, why me? Why do I feel this deep need to love despite everything? Yet, I am grateful I do because I've seen the latter.
Throughout my life I have felt like I was meant to make a big difference somehow, and grew increasingly frustrated when I felt stagnant or like I was not helping anyone or any cause. I learnt that my biggest difference is to ensure I am well and healthy and vibrating positive vibes to infect others by a being, not so much by a doing.
Here's to feeding the 'Good Wolf' and acknowledging the existence of the 'Evil Wolf' while choosing to starve it.
To know who is close enough to let in to be completely honest with, to trust wholeheartedly and to love unconditionally.
I used to want to be able to be this way with everyone in the world, not realizing that privacy and public life is different.
There are choices I have made, things that I have shared with people, out of the yearning to connect, unable or afraid to be silent and on my own to allow time and silence for me to hear my truth within...and by sharing with people who were not in my closest circle, I have learnt some very daunting realities.
My job is to be responsible for myself at all times, not anyone else; learning to focus solely on myself has been counterintuitive to my entire life to date because I was used to focus outside of myself to ensure or try to ensure everyone else was ok and happy. I am grateful for the people and lessons of life that have shone lights on this reality to guide me towards my inner being.
I wish to master being loving in any and each moment in this lifetime, no matter the circumstance that life is presenting. I have experienced extreme hurt that fueled anger that horrified myself, it was like I was possessed by a darkness that was devouring my entire being. It took everything I had to fight giving in to those impulses of wanting to harm the person that pushed this button within me... it took time to be able to see exactly how much of a gift it all was, to release those sensations within myself and choose love. It also took great courage to look at how I was the cause of it all, and own it all and not blame them.
I remember the moment this person walked up to me, it took every ounce of control I could muster to not slap them across the face, spit in their face and scream for them to leave and never show their face again. Some may think that may be necessary for someone to learn 'the lesson' but I don't agree. I don't believe violence is ever permissible, in fact it is cowardly.
It is very easy to be angry and not be responsible. I know, those sensations are darker than dark.
Many things and situations I will never understand, for everyone has their own truth. I am battling my own mind and the things it makes up, fighting to let go of the reactions to want to protect myself at all costs and be safe...but it's all made up in my mind.
As I stated in a past post...it begins with a thought. What thought do I chose to entertain and live by?
Beginning with being honest with myself has been key to coming from love. Trusting myself and my choices as well, not allowing my brain to double back and analyze and terrorize moments that were perfect in all their imperfections and beauties in their moments. Loving myself is my greatest power.
I recently made a choice to love myself and ensure I was in a space that was peaceful, clear of mixed energies and calm. My entire life changed since I did so. I can hear myself, feel myself and am feeling grounded and becoming balanced again...and still struggling to keep my focus on myself and rebuild that trust and foundation within myself.
Being around negative energies and spirits is very dangerous. I believe when around such environments, now, from my own experience, that it causes extreme disharmony within each being that is subjected to that space or energy. I may not be able to be of assistance, and I choose to send love, light and healing energy as my part, because I care on a deep level for the peace of each being on this planet...sometimes it feels like a curse, why me? Why do I feel this deep need to love despite everything? Yet, I am grateful I do because I've seen the latter.
Throughout my life I have felt like I was meant to make a big difference somehow, and grew increasingly frustrated when I felt stagnant or like I was not helping anyone or any cause. I learnt that my biggest difference is to ensure I am well and healthy and vibrating positive vibes to infect others by a being, not so much by a doing.
Here's to feeding the 'Good Wolf' and acknowledging the existence of the 'Evil Wolf' while choosing to starve it.
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